Family is those who are close and loving.

I am an adoptee and I’ve always known that.

My parents were quite open about it, within the family anyway. It was in an era when it was still a bit of a secret. My birth mother gave me up after about two days, and I was moved onto my parents. My parents were caring and warm people, who gave me a stable, loving upbringing. I was brought up as an only child. They were not physical huggers though. There was always a deep curiosity about my ‘other’ family – where were they? What were they doing? Some of my relatives had issues with me being adopted, and I was considered by some as the bad blood in the family, bit unfair!

When I grew up, I fell in love with a woman, with whom I married. We soon had our first child together, a son. I thought to myself, that nobody forgets that experience of child birth. It ignited my desire to find my own birth mother, and gave me hope that she would want to meet me too. I also thought of how my son had no genetic history to reference. So with a practical and emotional impetus, I went searching. This took place in the 80s, when the laws were changing, and I could seek more openly.

I eventually found my birth mother through some fantastic social workers at the Royal Women’s Hospital who were extremely helpful, and set up the actual meeting.

I was standing there with a bunch of flowers, nervously waiting for my birth mother to arrive. My family, although very loving, was not touchy-feely hugging. All of a sudden this strange woman came up to me and said, “I’m never letting go of you again,” and gave me this huge hug. And what do you do when someone hugs you? You hug back of course! And it was just an absolute magic moment of my life that I’ll never, ever forget. It was the start of a very loving relationship right up to her passing.

My family had just expanded.

I then found that I had two half-sisters. As an only child, it was a wonderful change for me. I am very close to one sister who lives in Bendigo, and I see my other sister as much as I can, she lives further away in New South Wales. A whole new family was opened – loving and welcoming. It did not detract from the family that lovingly raised me. It was a situation of love multiplying. I feel like family is family to me, whether it is my birth family or my adopted family. Love is love.

I had three children with my lovely wife, but there came a time when I had to part ways because I realised I was more attracted to men than women. I had been fighting with myself about my bisexuality for a long time. When I married my wife, it was true love and I loved her very dearly. However, over time there was an urge in me that I had to follow. It took me twenty years. I guess I’m a slow learner.

My “coming out” – a truly surreal night.

I turned the TV off and said, “Hun, I’ve got something to tell you. I’m leaving you, and I’m gay.” It was an incredibly surreal moment, because I had been planning for it, and heading towards it for at least six months. She went into shock and said, “What do I tell the children?” I said that I would tell them. The big thing for them was not so much me being gay, but more about the family break up. It was an issue because the family was breaking up, dad was leaving home. The gay factor followed on afterwards. My dear old mother was very understanding – although all she said about being gay was to “be careful”. Wise words Mum!

The love of family has continued to grow. I am in contact with my three children. I have a son in Stockholm, which poses a bit of a geographical challenge. I’m close to my two daughters who live in Melbourne. They are having children of their own, so the family and the love is multiplying again. It’s just fantastic! It’s amazing how the whole generational situation that presents itself. My daughter has two kids – 4 and 18 months old, and it’s just amazing that the love continues. The whole gay thing is just a part of life, and part of the family now. I am now quite good friends with my ex-wife, and we go on family outings with the girls, and the grandkids. My younger daughter is due to give birth to her first in about a month or two. The whole loving, supporting family thing is there, and the gay factor is there as well – almost a case of “so what?” now.

It is a sign of the times that our family can exist like this without much fanfare. Going back twenty years, it would have been almost unheard of. My daughters can introduce me to friends and said, “This is my dad.” When I was partnered they welcomed him as my partner. Sometimes my children would tell their friends in private about why their parents divorced and it not being much of an issue at all. Just keeping the love multiplying, being open and honest about who you are and what you are, and not being prejudiced against anybody – but why should anyone be that way?

Further family exists at JOY 94.9. The family extends. Again.

I have been a volunteer at the Melbourne community radio station for over 13 years now. I think of people at JOY as my further extended family, and feel grateful and privileged to be part of such an organisation. I have very close friends and acquaintances that I have made there. No love has blossomed for me there – yet! Mind you, I have seen love flourish and die in the JOY94.9 studios, so maybe it’s for the best. It is a very warm family feeling that I get when I walk through the JOY doors. It has created a social group for me, and allowed me to fulfil one of my life goals. Radio is something that I always wanted to do. When I was invited to become a newsreader, I was overwhelmingly excited, but somehow I was able to keep that excitement internalised – well, for the most part.

I have loved being a part of JOY94.9 family. If anyone wants to join and help with the running of the station, I’m there to welcome and accept them into the JOY family. All of my life I have been an educator of various sorts – secondary school teacher, TAFE teacher and staff trainer for a Victorian government department. If people want or need a helping hand along the way I’m always willing to help, and I am not the only one. The atmosphere at the station is always so warm, welcoming and accepting of all people within the GLBTIQ spectrum and those who support us in the important things we do. As a family should be!

JOY has given me, and many others, a place to feel safe and most welcomed. We join together to create, expand and maintain something unique and empowering for our community.