I spent my youth in Melbourne, wandering the empty streets of the city on the weekends, all the shops were shut, cool winds blew fierce.

I remember feeling very alone. The streetscape mimicked my sense of myself. As I grew up I couldn’t shake this sense of loneliness, isolation and not belonging. I felt very much at home on those empty streets.

I began to take drugs and drink a bit, first of all thinking, well, that’s what everyone does for fun, but then it was no longer fun, just a burden, serious, dangerous.

I had to wake up and chase down something, anything, to put in my body so it didn’t scream in need. My life unfolded, I worked hard, achieved some awesome goals, but I couldn’t shake the loneliness, the need which drugs fulfilled. They were my best friend.

I reached 40, and my world began to unravel, the pretense of living and using and drinking collided with reality.

I was in denial about how bad I was, but fortunately the people around me forced me to get help. I went to rehab, I hated it, I really hurt both in my body and in my heart.

How could I have been so wrong with my life? How could I have thought it was so normal to takes heaps of drugs? Questions kept flowing and flowing. I learnt I was sick, I had the disease of addiction, I couldn’t control my drug use, once it was in my body I just wanted more and more.

Relief came, 12 step support group of Narcotics Anonymous came. I found a way to get relief, have fun and not have to use drugs or drink. I found a new life, a new way of being.

My creativity blossomed, plays, painting, drama. My career began again, I made friends with people, genuine friends.

For the first time I can say “I am home, I belong”.